yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
