if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
