idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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