Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
