What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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