two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
