i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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