so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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