we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just googled if crying burns calories
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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