So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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