then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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