we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
