Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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