i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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