If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
