My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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