He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
