I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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