I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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