You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I want her autograph on my taint
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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