What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
