Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
