So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
