i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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