Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
