It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
