Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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