People with herpes should wear stickers.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
