Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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