sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
