first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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