all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
