He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
