i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
