You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
