nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
