ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
