i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I will pee on everything he values.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
