have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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