...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
