All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
