I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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