McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
