'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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