I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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