i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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