my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sext me about skeletons
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
