the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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