Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We need to get me chipped asap
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
