so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
